Thursday, May 17, 2018

"So Fresh n So Clean?"

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Today we are going to talk about cologne and perfume.  Now, mind you, for some reason, I still have mommy nose.  That basically means every smell is amplified.  (So if a cup had milk in it yesterday, and it's empty now, I can smell sour milk from across the room)  It's a terrible mom power.  So maybe it's me.... but I doubt it!

The other day this guy got off the elevator and when I stepped on, the whole thing smelled like him.  If it was a nice subtle cologne cool, but this was LOUD!  Like he took a bath in it, used it for aftershave, and then sprayed his whole life away.  Dude spray 1 maybe 2xs and walk through, that's it!

Old women do this stuff too.  I swear after a certain age they all start walking around smelling White Diamond and hard candy. OMG please Etta Mae take it off!  For the sake of everybody involved!  Ya'll know that old lady smell get on your clothes and stay for a good week.  DO NOT hug me, I promise I don't wanna smell like Elizabeth Taylor. EVER!!!  (Ionno her life)

This morning a guy sat next to me on the train.  Ya'll, he had on soooooo much cologne.  But not only that, his breath stank.  So everytime he opened his mouth that imaginary stench just keep smacking me in my face (like Altoids wouldn't fix this)!  I swear I kept trynna hold my breath, but I have asthma, so yeah...  FAIL!  So Charles, (because only somebody with an old name like Charles would wear this cologne) kept moving around.  OMG, everytime he moved, a whiff of this cologne just suffocated the air.  I'm smelling like vanilla and he smelling like Cheeto breath Charles and mothballs.  By the time I got off the train I had a whole headache.  Welcome to Thursday (eye roll here).

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