"So Fresh n So Clean?"

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Today we are going to talk about cologne and perfume.  Now, mind you, for some reason, I still have mommy nose.  That basically means every smell is amplified.  (So if a cup had milk in it yesterday, and it's empty now, I can smell sour milk from across the room)  It's a terrible mom power.  So maybe it's me.... but I doubt it!

The other day this guy got off the elevator and when I stepped on, the whole thing smelled like him.  If it was a nice subtle cologne cool, but this was LOUD!  Like he took a bath in it, used it for aftershave, and then sprayed his whole life away.  Dude spray 1 maybe 2xs and walk through, that's it!

Old women do this stuff too.  I swear after a certain age they all start walking around smelling White Diamond and hard candy. OMG please Etta Mae take it off!  For the sake of everybody involved!  Ya'll know that old lady smell get on your clothes and stay for a good week.  DO NOT hug me, I promise I don't wanna smell like Elizabeth Taylor. EVER!!!  (Ionno her life)

This morning a guy sat next to me on the train.  Ya'll, he had on soooooo much cologne.  But not only that, his breath stank.  So everytime he opened his mouth that imaginary stench just keep smacking me in my face (like Altoids wouldn't fix this)!  I swear I kept trynna hold my breath, but I have asthma, so yeah...  FAIL!  So Charles, (because only somebody with an old name like Charles would wear this cologne) kept moving around.  OMG, everytime he moved, a whiff of this cologne just suffocated the air.  I'm smelling like vanilla and he smelling like Cheeto breath Charles and mothballs.  By the time I got off the train I had a whole headache.  Welcome to Thursday (eye roll here).

"You Gots to Chill"

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Imagine you're sitting in your car for a good 45 minutes, stuck in traffic that is not moving.  You get a phone call from your child's daycare with some little girl on the other line asking you if you "got that text message we sent?"  When you reply with a "no," she goes in with all attitude about how, "the daycare closed at 5pm today, and your child is still here, so somebody needs to pick her up."  It's 5:40pm mind you.  And mind you they close at 6:30pm.

YA'LL... I don't know WTF these daycares be on.  They want to be paid full price when they are closed, then pick and choose how long they stay open.  You a few minutes late? They hitting you up like you been squatting in a luxury apartment and ain't paid rent in 6 months.  Huh?!  Use my late fee for that free day you got paid and didn't do anything.  OMG, I caint!  I know anybody who has children and actually pays the daycare bill has been there (#pettyeyeroll).

I got so irritated at one point, the thought had crossed my mind to start my own damn daycare.  The money is good, apparently the hours can be whatever I feel that day.  All I have to do is undercut the competition a little bit and...BAM!!!  The kids will come.  There are always kids.  Only one problem though in this whole fantasy of foolery...I'd have to watch other people's children.  That'll be a "no" for me.  And that was it...dream dead.  Gone and forgotten.

Text Me...

Hey ya'll, I'm back again.  I know I've been slipping...Well, here I am.  So, the other day, I had a conversation about unsending text messages. Do you know how much better things would be if one could unsend a text?!  Especially if you sent a text to the wrong person?  

Fellas can you image if you accidentally sent your unwanted d*ck pic to your mom?!  Granted, she's seen it, nothing new there, but could she have gone her whole day without you sending it to her in a text? And could she have gone without the inappropriate comment to match? You know, the one that was meant for some trash girl you call yourself "dating."  YES! (And yes I used the word trash, because when it comes to our children no one is good enough, they are all trash until further notice).   If you had an unsend option, problem avoided.  Mom doesn't get the text, trash does, and all is well.

We need to go back to the AOL days. The days where if you sent a messed up email to "all," you had 2 sec to get to that outbox and unsend. We "all" didn't need to have our mailbox filled with your foolishness today.  We "all" don't want your text either.  Now I'm getting responses from folks I don't know questioning me about who I am.  OMG delete (rolls eyes).  Hit the unsend, and thank you in advance for your reconsideration! Oh, wait, that's not an available option.  Maybe it's available on that $1k phone?  ...Or naw?