"Someone Please Call 1-800"

So, I'm driving in my car (because that's where stuff seems to happen now-in my just washed, pollen covered Sasha) and this song comes on the radio.  The baseline is ridiculous, so I turn it up, like yaassss who is this?!  Waiting on the "Mikewillmadeit" or the "DJ Khaled." Neither happened.  Instead, what do I hear?! "Call such and such law office."

WAIT A WHOLE ENTIRE MINUTE!  

Why am I listening to a commercial?!  OMG I'm so confused about life right now.  Why does this sound better than every song on the radio?!  I can understand it and everything.  I'm sitting here thinking rap is coming back (ha)- and it's a whole damn commercial.  They could almost play this in the club between songs.  Sort of how they throw commercials in at the movies (insert eye roll).

Where are they finding these folks to do these commercials?!  Like, do they have record deals with a 5 commercial contract?! When is the video coming out?!  It's so bad now, I get almost 10 secs into the song before I even realize they are singing about a car accident!  What's even worse, folks like me get into an accident and be sitting on the side of the road trying to remember the damn words so I know who to call.  Also like me, I will have forgotten why I was singing it in the first place and end up having a car concert (whatever, don't judge me) Side note: I sound pretty awesome in my head.

Chains

Ya'll remember the WWJD bracelets?  I may be dating myself (25 + or so-not important, mind your business).  Anyway, for folks too old to remember...those were the bracelets people wore to remind them to basically, make good choices.  I think they worked for about a week, after that people pretty much went back to being themselves (go figure).  The WWJD faded, and they were just left with a friendship bracelet and bad decisions.

Fast forward, I'm clicking on my FB page, and I received this random message from one of my now former "friends."  Message says, "please forward this to x amount of people if you love Jesus."  I'm all the way irritated.  FIRST OF ALL, if Jesus had a computer (yes, I'm going there) would he be on FB sending these stupid *ss messages?!  Can you image if any part of your afterlife rested on what you responded to or didn't on FB?  If a chain letter sealed my fate, I'm in trouble. I delete and delete that "friend."  I ain't got time, (plotting my escape) and ya'll out here playing.  IJS.

Aside from the love Jesus messages, there are the random chain letters. The ones promising some ridiculous amount of money if you send the message to 10 people on your friends list.  How?!  Where is this random money coming from?  Is Tom going to Cash App me my money?!  I mean if he is, I'm still waiting...(face blue...EXHALE).  The moral of the story is, chain letters are trash.  Violators on my friends list will be deleted to the fullest extent of FB.  *Law and Order sound effect* (I do not own the rights, blah blah blah)

Ride That Train

Hey y'all! So lately I've been taking the train and living my life (as I often find myself doing #winning).  I didn't forget about you.  Still, my episode of Punked continues. Thus, my commonsensicals.  So, back to the train. Because traffic (eye roll), I am to the point where I've decided train is the way to go.   And, naturally, I can sit and observe folks.  And, lucky me, I get to listen to their random conversations. Yay.

The other day this girl was on the phone discussing how the last time she went out with this "friend" she got arrested.  Now, mind you, she is standing in the middle of the train having this whole conversation.  As I was "minding my business being nosey," (side note, I forgot where I got that from, but I said I was gonna borrow it, there it is) the writer in me has so many questions, comments, and suggestions.  Like, girl what you go to jail for?!  Did your homegirl bail you out?  If she didn't,  y'all don't need to be friends, unless she was sitting right next to you.  Because that's what real friends do.  IJS, since we're all a part of the conversation.

Then, of course, there is the random person yelling stuff for no reason.  Sir or Ma'am, just why?!  Once Random Yelling gets off the train, here comes Disturbing the Peace at the next stop.  Just imagine, New York accent and LOUD (maybe I should say Extra LOUD?).  Lady...we, the folks on the train, don't really care that "she tried you," and threw away your mug (minding my business.. you know the rest.)  All that mess about how she "didn't want it," only to say you just ignored her. Huh?! Sounds like you need to be friends with the one that got arrested, so things can get handled.  Just a thought.

Anyway, halfway in between the previous stop and the next, folks start hopping up and moving to the door.  I don't get it.  Why do folks jump up before the train stops?  You know it's going to jerk you once it comes to a full stop.  Where are you going?  Folks be in such a hurry to stand and hold the pole. (ha! yes I laughed).  It's like the folks you see inching forward at a red light.  I swear, the older I get, the more I realize people never really grow beyond Kindergarten.  It's like lining up for recess, everybody racing to the door to be the first out.  At the end of the day, does it really make a difference? Seriously.